Now is the winter of our mild peevishness

We are still on summer time here in Augsburg, yet this appears to have little bearing on reality. It has snowed each of the last two days and the weather forecast suggests it is going to do the same today. This is not a major problem except in as much as it adds an extra degree of indecision to the morning routine, namely: "Do I really want to go to work by bicycle today?".

This is influenced by several factors: stepping outside the house feels like being immersed in an unforgiving ice bath, the pavements are additionally slippery and hence dopey students less readily avoidable and cars threatening instant injury when pulling out of sideroads are now an even greater risk. A moment of weakness resulted in a commute by car on Friday, the excuse being that the bike really needs a serious clean before it is in decent riding condition.

In an attempt to ameliorate this tiresome state of affairs, I have obtained a balaclava, ensuring that I not only look like a criminal but also have a warmish face. The added bonus is that old ladies seem to have become inexplicably charitable towards me of late. I must try heading into the convent across the road.

The other nuisance is that winter tires are apparently a necessity in this part, enforced by the police. It is utterly ridiculous to buy these in October, but they might become necessary later on. Another unwanted expense.

The final journey & One for the feminists?

Fairly lengthy drive from Brandenburg to Augsburg, nothing serious in comparison to previous capers. Stefan and I go to see the "Gartenreich Wörlitz" on the way. A full post on this will follow when I have a quick enough connection to upload photos.

Stopping in two rest areas in Bavaria, I see this type of sign:

Apparently these signs are a measure to encourage female safety in car parks. However, there is no evidence that there is more or less assault in German car parks than in any other country. Furthermore, the main reason for these signs, namely that more women are assaulted in car parks than men, seems to me entirely specious, given that more women are assaulted than men full stop. According to the Polizeiliche Kriminalstatistik 2007, 94.4% of all 40,333 'Straftaten gegen die sexuelle Selbstbestimmung' were committed by men, who also committed 99% of all 6,456 instances of rape. Women represented 95.8% of all victims in these cases.

Germany is by no means one of the worst countries, coming in at #24 with 9 rapes/100,000 people, behind the UK at #13 with 14/100,000, the US at #9 with 30/100,000 and South Africa's unbelievable 119/100,000. One has to bear in mind that these are only reported statistics. Actual figures can be much higher: according to a sign I once saw at Johannesburg airport, a woman is raped every 30 seconds there alone.

Even when you throw extra CCTV and alarm buttons into the mix, these signs seem to be a very ineffective way of combatting a problem that is far wider spread than motorway service stations.

Meanwhile, to return to a somewhat lighter note... In this delightful post-feminist/male chauvinist world of ours, these signs have been healthily mocked. I would hope that this has arisen out of an appreciation of the silliness these signs represent, but I fear that this hope is misplaced. In any case, I include a few examples:

And all this when I was just stopping for a Red Bull...

Radio entertainment

Classical radio keeps me interested on my journey. Seemingly good stations include:

Bayern 4, MDR Figaro, Deutschlandfunk. Honourable mention to MDR Sachsen, whose reverb enhanced oom-pah-pah accordion music kept me laughing for a full ten minutes while hurtling along. Or maybe that was the energy drinks...

An odd degree of Anglophilia on the radio: one station going on about 'das britische Understatement', another with a festival entitled 'England, oh, England'. Sadly the Latvian National Choir's rendering of Purcell does not live up to the good intentions of the organisers.

Arrival in Germany

The Stau is a peculiarly German phenomenon. It is a traffic jam that occurs without warning and usually only for a few minutes. It involves slamming on the brakes and praying that you don't hit something or get hit from behind. There is almost always a sign warning you that you are in a Stau area. They seem almost animal in nature, like a vehicular elk.

The first Stau happens because of a tank being transported. I was not expecting such an early reminder of the might of the German war machine...

Further Staus are mostly caused by roadworks, it is in a break from one of these that I stop at Lonetal Ost service station, somewhere north of Ulm.

A strange place, as these stops often are. The interior is of a mostly red and white persuasion. Food is offered in the form of either Burger King or Gusticus. As the latter sounds like an infection, I opt for the former.

And now a riddle, to be answered afterwards: Was Schöneres gibt es als einen Grillabend?

Overheard while ordering food: "Ach scheiße! Ich hab' mir den Finger gegrillt." My Long Chicken Menu is inexplicably flavoursome.

A male Gusticus worker gets into a deep conversation with a female counterpart at Burger King. The situation is fraught with possibilities for a roadside Romeo and Juliet adaptation.

Ein Restaurant, wo den ganzen Tag gegrillt wird.

The fourth journey

Milan to Brandenburg. Started at 8:20, arrived at 21:30. 641 miles (about 1030 km,) 11hrs 41mins driving. Tired. Red Bull works wonders for concentration. Distance looks ridiculously huge on Google Maps.

In the spirit of European togetherness induced by driving through 6 countries in two days (France, Italy, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Austria, Germany), I will make an exception to my usual rule and compliment the Swiss. Their scenery is impressive, their motorways pretty, their Vignette fairly priced (in comparison to Austria) and their petrol cheap.

How anyone managed without GPS is beyond me. Still cannot quite believe how easy it is to leave Milan and navigate halfway across Europe.

The third journey

Travel re-organised around ankle. Massive drive to be undertaken on second leg (of journey). Hotel + garage booked in Milan.

Left Les Issambres at 16:30, should have been in Milan by 20:30. However, world-statesman Bono and his noise-making accomplices make it absolutely necessary for the police to shut half of Nice's motorway exits. 30km long traffic jam. Arrive in Milan at 22:30. Hotel room small, dark, but very clean with good bathroom and comfortable bed. Car & possessions locked behind fetching pink garage door. Not too bad for a last minute €115 Euros. Breakfast too.

The first journey

The trip to France by car was surprisingly easy. Sustained by endless CDs, the 350 miles passed relatively quickly, especially during the final romp through the countryside.

The Eurotunnel is bliss. Arrived at the terminal 10:20, train left at 10:43, arrived in France 12:20 French time. If only they weren't going bankrupt, they might be able to lower their prices to compete with the ferries. Here's hoping they don't charge me for the return not taken.

8 and 1/2 hours to go!

The packing is finished.

The car, after having lurked in a BP past midnight is fuelled and the tires sorted. Thanks to the fine folk at Vulcaniza, the oil and filters have been changed and, thanks to the fine folk of miscellaneous eastern european extraction who work out of a shed down a backstreet, the interior and exterior are clean and gleaming, ready to be dirtied over the 340 miles that beckon tomorrow. I also have a handy reflective jacket, headlight covers and a warning triangle, in case the French police do their usual trick of stopping cars on the 'Autoroute des Anglais' in order to pick up money in bribes.

I leave at 8:30, I arrive, hopefully in one piece, at around 17:00 French Time. I can only hope that there are no problems with Eurotunnel or south London traffic.

The continent awaits...